Habits
What are Habits and how do we affect them?
Habits are by definition things that we do regularly, often even unconsciously.
It is often said that it takes 21 days to build a habit so be aware that it takes time.
Habits will be built using your conscious awareness/conscious mind and eventually can become automatic or unconscious.
We all have many habits, some serve us well, and some that don’t serve us very well at all.
I offer this section on habits here to empower you.
Allow yourself to become aware of any habits that you have that are serving you well and be thankful for them! We all have lots of good habits.
Here are a few good habits many of us have
Getting to work on time.
Doing our best at a given task.
Being there for family or co-workers.
Feeding a pet.
Being Kind.
Taking time to care for ourselves.
Saving for retirement etc
Allow yourself to be aware of negative habits that you have that no longer serve you and consider how you might want to drop those habits and put new ones in their place.
Here are a few negative habits that we can do without
Not getting enough sleep.
Eating too much junk food.
Engaging in too much worry or stress.
Telling ourselves/thinking self defeating things.
Drinking too much or smoking etc
I have come to understand and believe that all of our behaviours have a positive intention.
What I mean by this is that a habit is there serving you as a way to cope or deal with a situation. This is what NLP calls a key presupposition. We presuppose that there is a positive intention for behaviour. More on this in the Conscious vs Unconscious mind section.
Examples
Junk food may be experienced as comforting and somehow satifying although it is generally harmful to health over all. The behaviour intention is positive, to bring comfort or satisfaction.
Getting less sleep may allow you to get more done, Overall health benefits are negative if it goes on too long. The behaviour intention is positive to allow you more waking time for your self.
Powering through life without resting or recharging is also good for getting things done but will reach a point of diminishing returns if it goes on too long. The behaviour positive intention is accomplishment.
Allow yourself to recognize bad habits may have once served a good purpose and allow yourself to feel empowered to make positive changes to them with the tools laid out here.
I have read and implemented strategies from these two books in my own life.
I offer here brief summaries of the lessons that I found valuable.
These are both New York Times Best Sellers.
Atomic Habits - written by James Clear
In his New York Times best selling book Atomic Habits, James Clear notes the power of tiny changes yielding remarkable results.
The major take away from this book is that even when we make the smallest changes in our lives, and make those small changes into habits, the results are not small but large.
“An atomic habit is a little habit that is part of a larger system. Just as atoms are the building blocks of molecules, atomic habits are the building blocks of remarkable results.”
Whenever you want to change your behavior, ask yourself:
How can I make it obvious?
I will….at this time…. at this location….
Examples
Meditate in my kitchen for 2 minutes after I turn your coffee maker on in the morning.
At lunch time take a 10 min walk down the street.
Note these top two examples list what will be done at what time in what place and what duration.
Connect it to something you already do!
Manage your environment to remind you to do what you want to do.
If you want to go for a run in the morning, put your shoes out where you will see them etc
Reverse this to make negative habits harder to do.
If I want to stop eating a bag of chips in the evening I don’t leave them on the counter where I can see them etc
How can I make it attractive?
The more attractive it is, the more likely it is to become a habit.
You are likely to find a habit more attractive if you get to do one of your favourite things at the same time.
Predict/expect it will be rewarding by imagining you will feel good acting in your new habit.
Grouping things you want to do with things you need to do will help you do this.
Examples
I want to watch Netflix but I need to get some exercise - After I go for a walk or other exercise I get to watch Netflix.
Reverse this to make a negative habit harder to do.
How can you make a habit unatractive?
What will work for you?
How can I make it easy?
Make them automatic.
Reduce friction keeping you from doing what you want.
Reduce the steps it takes to get what you want.
Increase the steps to complete a bad habit.
Examples
Automate savings from your pay check.
Maybe you want to do 5 pushups a day or go for a 5 min walk a day until it’s automatic. It will be easy to add time once it is a habit.
Maybe you want to set reminders or alarms in your phone reminding you to take 3 deep breaths multiple times a day.
Reverse this to make a negative habit harder to do.
Maybe you want to turn off your smart phone before having dinner to make it harder to get distracted during dinner etc.
How can I make it satisfying?
Measure your success by measuring your improvements.
Examples
Track your habit by marking an X on a calendar.
If you miss a day don’t get discouraged, get back on track. Everyone gets off track sometimes, getting back on track sooner than later is a big difference maker.
Have an accountability partner.
Reverse this to make it unsatisfying to take part in a negative habit.
Use your imagination here and feel empowered to make positive change in your life.
I recommend reading the book if this resonates with you as a way of filling out this very brief summary of the book. There are lots of compelling stories in the book that really do give you the feeling that you can affect positive change in your life by making small changes.
Apply what you have learned
If you would like to apply this stuff I suggest you follow this exercise. Find a piece of paper or make a note in a phone or laptop and run a positive habit you would like to develope through the atomic habits plan.
1 Make it Obvious
2 Make it Attractive
3 Make it Easy
4 Make it Satisfying
Then pick a habit you would like to get rid of or lessen and run it through.
1 Make it less obvious
2 Make it unattractive
3 Make it difficult
4 Make it unsatisfying
High Performance Habits book - written by Brendon Burchard
In his New York Times best selling book High Performance Habits
How Extraordinary People Become That Way
Brendan Burchard puts forward what he calls “Science backed mindset habits and life strategies that research has shown helps increase happiness, develop more confidence and increases the likelihood of long-term success without compromising health or relationships.”
This book has a whole legion of followers and their own set of accredited HPX
(High Performance Experience) coaches. I am not affiliated with them. I simply put forward a brief summary of what the book offers as another insight into the science of habits and the profound effect they have on our lives.
This book asserts that the highest performing people aren’t born that way, but instead rely on 6 key habits which were identified with research on high performance.
These habits are: seeking clarity, generating energy, raising necessity, increasing productivity, developing influence, and demonstrating courage.
Habit #1 Seeking Clarity
Get clear about what you want.
It means constantly asking really difficult questions like: “What do I want to be remembered for?” and “What do I want to do with my life?”. Constantly asking these, gives you a sense of purpose, and direction.
Habit #2 Generating Energy
Research shows that most CEOs are actually similar in their energy levels to professional athletes. Neuroscience proves that regular exercise increases the production of neurons in your brain that are related to learning and memory. Exercise also improves mood and reduces stress. These all add up to contribute to enhanced leadership abilities. Brendon notes that high performers only focus on the positives in life even if their lives are just as difficult as all other people’s, they are intentionally cheerful and positively focused.
Do your best to not dwell on negative thinking at all.
This results in higher mental energy.
Neuro science proves that anticipation of positive events releases as much or more dopamine (happiness hormone), as when you’re actually experiencing the event. What this means is that, if you anticipate the positive events, you get twice the joy from them: once up-front, and once when it happens!
Habit #3 Raising Necessity
Necessity is about raising the stakes.
Make it important for you to succeed.
If two athletes are going to race, and one is thinking of winning for personal glory, while the other one wants to win for his mother, the second athlete is probably going to win, because his stakes are higher.
Higher performers have that “outside obligation” in addition to their own desires, which will push them to work harder.
If you only make your success dependant on your own desire, then it becomes optional, and reduces the chance that you will be successful.
You need to truly master your main craft, not falling for simple, easily achievable goals. Then add an external obligation that makes you work extremely hard to complete something, for the benefit of someone other than yourself (such as a charitable cause, for instance).
Another approach is: publicly sharing your goal with the world.
That makes you more committed to keep going, and will increase it’s importance.
Habit #4 Increasing Productivity
Productivity involves separating important work from unimportant tasks.
This works to maximize output for the energy invested.
High performers have a clear and challenging goal and deadline.
They fight distraction, maintain focus and keep their energy up in order to meet the deadline. If a project is especially big and long, it helps to break it down into 4–5 sub-projects. This helps being able to maintain strict deadlines, and not lose forward momentum.
Habit #5 Giving Mindset/ Influence
High performers always look for peers to share their achievements with and are not afraid of challenging them, or expecting feedback back from their peers.
High performers appreciate people who can give honest, candid feedback.
High performers appreciate, notice and cheer on the work of their staff!
They have empathy of what it takes to produce quality work. They also understand the value of trusting people and giving them freedom to make their own decisions. They are aware of peoples strengths, and assign work appropriately so people can succeed and move on to the next level.
High performers ask for advice without worrying for being judged, rejected or considered weak. Statistics show that asking for advice produces positive responses three times more than the expectation of the person suggests.
Ask for advice and feedback!
Most people are too busy to be thinking about judging you, so relax, and never be afraid to ask for feedback.
Habit #6 Demonstrating Courage
Courage is an act of risk taking.
High performers still have fear, and do realize that bold actions involve a higher risk of failing, otherwise they would not be considered bold actions. They choose to act despite fear, and get a feeling of thrill from bold actions. Just like sky-diving, there’s initial panic and dread, but eventually it’s easier.
Higher performers see an opportunity for growth inside each new challenge.
They know that to reach the next level, they can’t avoid every uncomfortable change, but instead welcome changes with a smile.
High performers are open and honest about their ambitions, whilst average people are afraid of being judged or ridiculed. Even if some people call you “delusional” or “crazy”, there will be others that actually help you and can immediately see your vision and direction, who will also help you get there. So make your intentions known, as opposed to working for your dreams in silence.
Brendon also notes that by making your goals known the “village idiots” will come out and say “you can’t do that that” or “that’s stupid” but the village elders will also come out and notice help you to encourage you with words and resources to achieve your goals.
As you can see these habits listed in High Performance Habits, are not small habits but core life directional personal commitments that go to the identity of a person.
The book gets into balancing work with play and recharging for your mental and physical health. Be clear that success does not leave you in ruined health.
From small habits to larger identity driven habits, there is a wide range of ways to affect the habits you have in your life and what they can do for you.
Apply what you have learned
If you like the looks of the High Performance Habits go throgh the steps asking yourself the big questions and let the details follow.
Get Clarity on what you want.
Make a plan to Generate the Energy for it.
Raise Necessity by making it important to you.
Increase your Productivity in this area.
Ask for advice to gain Influence of others and be a Giving person.
Act Courageously in your pursuit.