Things that can get in the way of change
There are things that get in the way of change happening.
All of us have our own free will.
Even so, habits of mind,fear, limiting beliefs, secondary gain and labels are a few things that may need to be addressed to get to the threshold of where change happens.
Not wanting to change.
If you don’t want to change, you are not likely to change, right?
Maybe this is good!
There is no need to change things in your life that serve you well.
Keep rocking in these areas of your life!
What if you want to change something in your life but are finding it difficult or overwhelming?
Despite wanting to change some things in our lives there are things that get in the way of that happening.
It’s a good idea to understand things that could get in the way of making the change you want in your life. Some of this stuff may have been covered before but I bring them up again to help the learning process.
Repetition is the mother of skill!
Habits of mind can get in the way
Habits of mind
Over time we all collect habits that are intended to help us quickly, efficiently move through our lives without spending time rethinking everything.
These habits may be holding us back from change.
Habits of messiness
Habits of negative self talk
Habits of poor health decisions
Habits of pessimism
Looking at your environment to set up cues to remind yourself that there are other ways of thinking, other ways of being are possible.
Review the section on habits and how to make habit changes to overcome these.
Fear can get in the way
Fear
Brendon Burchard talks about 3 kinds of fear that hold us back.
Fear of loss. Will you lose something? As you move on from your comfort zone is there a fear of loss? You could gain something substantial though couldn’t you?
Fear of hardship. This kind of fear is the fear that it may be painful or it will be difficult to get the change you want. Advice here is to honour the struggle! Acknowledge some things are worth the work!
Fear of outcome. This is about maybe it will be a bunch of work and not be successful or maybe it won’t be like I want? You will never know if you don’t take the steps.
If fear is in the way of the life you want to live, be kind to yourself and ask yourself, what would it be like for me to leave that fear behind? How many times have you learned new things despite being unsure of what would happen next? The first step can be recognizing an emotion so that you can learn to process it and move on from it to learn and grow.
Limiting beliefs can get in the way
Limiting Beliefs
As we learned in the section on Logical Levels of Change, beliefs influence all levels below in the pyramid.
Here are a few examples
Do you believe you can be a non-smoker? Can you imagine what your life will be like? Can you imagine what you will do to say no if offered a cigarette?
Do you believe you can be confident socially? Can you see yourself being successful in this way? What will it feel like?
Do you believe you can learn new things? Do you believe you can grow and be a positive contributor to the team?
Do you believe you can reach the sales budget numbers this quarter? Do you believe you can find new customers and grow business with the customers you have? Do you believe you have something to offer your clients or customers?
Check your limiting beliefs and instal new ones with the empowering questions or the identity cascade
Secondary gain can get in the way
Secondary Gain
In this category of reasons to not change, there is also something referred to as secondary gain.
Secondary gain is a term used to describe a benefit (or perceived benefit) to an otherwise undesirable behaviour.
Here are a few examples
Someone who smokes cigarettes knows that it’s bad for them and would like to give it up but also doesn’t want to give it up because they would be giving up that time they have to take a break or the time they talk with the smoking friends etc.
Someone who is shy or uncomfortable in social situations may want to be more comfortable socially but also don’t want to change. The secondary gain or the benefit they currently get from this social anxiety is lots of alone time or downtime that they really appreciate.
If you are finding it difficult to make a change in your life, have a look at the secondary gain or the benefit that an otherwise unpleasant or unneeded behaviour brings and address that by making a plan to keep something that “checks that box” in your life so that you can move past this roadblock.
Labels can get in the way
Labels
People give labels to things naturally as a way of grouping things/people together.
Basically it's an aid to co-exist and understand everything. Labeling usually comes from a mental state of organizing and prioritizing in order to structure an understanding of others and their meanings.
Negative labels can be harmful.
I’m lazy.
I don’t like people.
I’m not very smart.
I can’t change.
Labels we give others can hurt them and keep them in a place of disempowerment.
Labels we give ourselves can do the same to us.
If you want to label yourself, do it with something that’s positive!
This goes in the identity category of Logical Levels of Change.
You could build an identity cascade here.
You could reframe these labels into temporary states instead of a label that can stick to your identity, like I’m low on energy at the moment or I need some time to myself for a while or I don’t know much about that particular thing yet or I’m not sure how I would change that just yet.
You could make yourself empowering questions to address these.